From Medscape Medical News

Women Calm Down After an Apology, Men Get More Worked Up

Jim Kling

Authors and Disclosures

April 12, 2010 (Seattle, Washington) — Women’s blood pressure returns to normal more swiftly when they receive an apology after an insult, whereas men recover more slowly, new research presented here at the Society of Behavioral Medicine 31st Annual Meeting and Scientific Sessions shows.

Prior studies have shown that forgiveness can influence physiologic reactivity and recovery when people revisit a memory of a past transgression. The aim of the current study was to investigate physiologic effects after a live incident.

For the study, investigators recruited 29 men and 50 women who were tested for levels of forgiving using the Forgiving Personality Inventory. Subjects were asked to perform a serial subtraction task, beginning with 9000 and subtracting 7. They were exposed to multiple interruptions from the experimenter while performing the task. Interjections included statements such as, "Look, you’re too slow and also inaccurate," That can’t be your best," and "You’re obviously not good enough at doing this."

A total of 40 participants received an apology from the experimenter. Those who scored high in forgiveness displayed faster recovery of diastolic blood pressure (DBP) (F _1,70 = 4.88, P < .05) and mean arterial blood pressure (MAP) (F _1,70 = 3.96, P < .05) after the apology.

The effect was most apparent in the immediate aftermath of the apology, when women who scored high in forgiveness had a lower DBP (F _1,23 = 8.75, P < .01) and MAP (F _1,23 = 8.56, P < .01) when compared with low forgiveness women, who had little response to the apology (P > .05).

Women who received an apology recovered faster than women who did not (DBP: F _1,47 = 8.71, P < .01; MAP: F _1,47 = 7.00, P < .01). In men, the effect was reversed. Those who received an apology displayed higher DBP (F _1,26 = 5.13, P < .05) and MAP (F _1,26 = 6.71, P < .05) on recovery than those who received no apology.

The results suggest that people with higher forgiveness levels experience greater attenuation of the cardiovascular stress that can occur as a result of a transgression. However, the beneficial effects of an apology appear to be dependent on sex.

It is premature to say how these findings translate into clinical research, but the difference in men’s and women’s reaction to apologies could potentially be applied to marital therapy, Matthew Whited, PhD, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Massachusetts Medical School in Worcester, who presented the research, told Medscape Psychiatry. "Even nonverbal communication, such as rolling one’s eyes, affects the physiology [of the other person]."

The study drew praise because it elicits reaction to a real-world situation. "A lot of previous studies ask participants to imagine [a transgression]. It’s hard to go anywhere with that," Kevin S. Masters, PhD, professor of psychology at Syracuse University in New York, said during a discussion period after the presentation. Dr. Masters has considered similar experimental designs, he added, but declined to pursue them for fear of having to navigate an institutional review board. "It turned out I was [too] chicken [to do it]."

Another attendee wondered if the participants could have misinterpreted the interruptions. "In an academic setting, they could have seen it as honest feedback [on their performance]. I think it would be better if the study involved genuine aggression," Kathleen Lawler-Row, PhD, professor and chair of psychology at East Carolina University in Greenville, North Carolina, told Medscape Psychiatry. Nevertheless, she was impressed by the study. "It was a powerful [study] design."

The study did not receive commercial support. Dr. Whited, Dr. Masters, and Dr. Lawler-Row have disclosed no relevant financial relationships.

Society of Behavioral Medicine (SBM) 31st Annual Meeting and Scientific Sessions: Abstract 2C.

Finding love online, despite health problems

By Michael Slenske, Health.com

April 14, 2010 8:19 a.m. EDT

Prescription 4 Love is a dating site for people with special conditions.

Despite -- or perhaps because of -- the economic downturn, the billion-dollar online dating industry has been booming. But not everyone has felt welcome at the party.

While sites like Match.com and eHarmony don't discriminate, they also don't cater to people...who are coping with sexually transmitted diseases, disabilities, or mental health conditions. All of these can make dating -- often an ego-shattering minefield for those in perfect health -- even trickier.

"On bigger dating sites the competition is tremendous," says Jim Houran, PhD, a clinical psychologist and columnist for Online Dating Magazine. "And let's face it, depending on what [the illness] is, it could very well make you uncompetitive in the larger dating pool."

Fortunately, there are a number of alternatives. A new breed of dating sites has emerged to play cupid for people with chronic diseases and disabilities.

Over the past five years, several sites -- such as Prescription4love.com, Nolongerlonely.com, and Cisforcupid.com -- have launched to serve the needs of people with conditions ranging from bipolar disorder to Crohn's disease. Together these sites now boast tens of thousands of members.

In addition to providing their users with a more hospitable environment, these websites defuse the tension over how and when to disclose an illness, which is often an issue for people with diseases and disabilities who venture onto mainstream dating sites.

The stigma of mental illness

People with physical disabilities aren't the only ones who face stigma while dating. People with mental health problems, from chronic depression to schizophrenia, have also benefited from specialized sites.

Jim Leftwich, 39, a college librarian from White Plains, New York, has lived with schizoaffective disorder, a condition that combines features of schizophrenia and mood disorders (such as depression), since 1992. In 2004, after years of brushing up against the harsh realities of the dating scene, Leftwich founded No Longer Lonely, a dating site that caters to the mentally ill.

"I thought to myself, 'There should be something like this out there,' and I was surprised to find there wasn't," says Leftwich. "If you're mentally ill, it's kind of a hostile world out there. I thought by taking down that whole bugaboo of having an illness, making it all open with everyone knowing, it would facilitate things. People would be more trusting and relationships might be more successful."

No Longer Lonely now has 16,000 members and a brand new interface (similar to those of social-networking sites) that allows users to upload poems, art, videos, and blogs. The site has been responsible for more than 20 marriages.

"I find with my clientele, they're more willing to get to know someone remotely and they're more open," he says. "They don't have the same kind of prejudices that people in general tend to have."

Even though most mental illnesses can be controlled with medication, therapy, or a combination of the two, some people still view conditions such as bipolar disorder as a mark of weakness or instability.

"Even in today's enlightened society, where acceptance and diversity are hailed as the right thing to do...mentally ill people tend to be outcasts. It's terrible," says Houran, who is also a former instructor of clinical psychiatry at the Southern Illinois School of Medicine.

"The minute someone knows you have a certain mental disorder, they assume it means that you're not capable of love, or that you're dangerous or unstable. Those are myths. Given the right care, people with mental illnesses and other medical conditions can lead very normal, functioning lives."

Some mental illnesses -- certain mood or personality disorders, for instance -- could cause problems in fledgling relationships, Houran acknowledges. And especially if the relationship progresses to thoughts of marriage and kids, two partners who each have bipolar disorder, for example, could find themselves debating whether it's safe or wise to have children.

However, says Houran, in most cases these considerations aren't enough to forestall a relationship. "Even under the best of circumstances, people still have major relationship challenges," he says.

For Houran, this outgrowth of illness-specific dating sites and services is a boon. "Niche sites are growing in popularity because they allow people with these very specific needs or interests to connect in a way that's not possible on the big dating sites," he says.

"The big dating sites are akin to Wal-Mart. You have a lot of quantity, but that doesn't mean you're going to find people with a lot quality in the way you define it. That being said, niche sites by their very construction tend to be very small. So I always advocate [that] people use both."

Full Article: http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/04/14/finding.love.online/index.html?eref=igoogle_cnn